Letting go this week.
Today I'm taking my baby to see his preschool class for the first time, and even though he keeps telling me "You no be sad Mama, ok?" and I promise I won't be, I'm feeling it this morning. To carry a life for 9 months, and then to hold him and put everything you have into being his mother for the next 3 years is such a precious blessing, but watching that little life walk into a stage of life where I am not directly caring for him 24/7 is hard! What if his teacher doesn't treat him right, what if the other kids are mean, what if he learns to act in ways I don't want him to? I know for the most part these thoughts are silly, but the knowing doesn't make them leave my mommy heart.
Sara Denny and Emily Puckett, my "8th graders", are going to high school now. Out of my d-team forever (unless the sky falls and we decide to work with high-schoolers ;) Over this last year I watched both of these girls go from quiet to crazy fun leaders of our group. For the first time the Cause was split by school rather than by grade, and rather than pout because they weren't with their friends anymore, they stepped up to the plate and set an awesome example of how older girls should treat the younger in our little Cause family. They are the coolest 14 year olds I know and I am so proud of them :) But now off they go, and I can't help worrying a little- what if the teachers don't treat them right, what if the other kids are mean, what if they learn to act in ways that will hurt them... these worries are even sillier now than they were with Westly, but I do wish I could still be there with them every week, not as a mommy this time but as an older sister and friend.
And Beth. My sweet friend, my older sister and role model. We had our first staff meeting of the year last night, and I found myself tearing time and again, wishing I could just talk to her. She served so faithfully for so many years with the cause kids, starting at the same age I did, and I want so badly to do the same. She has moved on too, graduated for the last time. And I'm not in the least worried about her, because God can watch her better than I can.
And I know it's the same with my girls and my boy. He's with them as surely as He's with dear Beth, and what's more, there are so many wonderful believers waiting to walk with them through these next phases of life! So for now I am going to trust my Father, pray for my loved ones, and step forward in faith. He's walked with me every step so far, and He is good.