Sunday morning. I'm singing next to my husband at the beginning of our church service, worshiping alongside friends and family.
But the truth is, my heart isn't in it. I was singing the words, and distracted by thoughts of our soon-to-be-home, my kids, friends, my discipleship team girls... thinking about almost anything except the awesome God I was praising with my words.
Then, A.J. and the worship team began to lead us in the song
The chorus is "I surrender all to you, all to you". As we repeated this a few times I realized just how empty the words were to me at that moment. I was unwilling to surrender the three most important things in my life right now, but I forced myself to imagine my feelings if these things were taken from me.
The house we've worked so hard and waited so long for...
...my precious children...
...and my best friend.
Having surrendered all of these things in my heart I was alone, clinging so much more tightly to the only hope I had left- heaven.
But it felt... right. I wished for a moment that I could stay this way, that without competition the cup of my hope was completely poured out on heaven.
And it struck me, that this actually IS reality. Without competition, heaven is the only thing I have any right to cling to. The only thing God promises will never be taken from me. In fact, without a shadow of a doubt, I will eventually loose everything listed above, except my promise of heaven.
Thank You, Lord, for giving me an eternal rock to stand on in the middle of this swiftly passing life.